Quotes

Quotes

Over the years I have come across quotes from various sources and said to myself at the time “bet I’ll wish I had this some day for a letter or speech or something.”  I’m using this web site as a place to organize these quotes, or at least as a place to record them for future use.  Some day I’ll categorize them in some way, but for now what you see is what you get.  You are welcome to use them however you wish.  The authors are reflected if they are known.  Contact Us if you have one I’ve missed that you want to share.
Attitude
If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you’ll be fired with enthusiasm. –Vince Lombardi
Im not into working out.  My philosophy is no pain, no pain –George Carlin
I’m in shape. round is a shape – George Carlin
Bureaucracy

If you don’t know what to do with many of the papers piled on you desk, stick a dozen colleagues’ initials on them and pass them along.  When in doubt, route.  –Malcolm Forbes

The longer the title, the less important the job.  –George McGovern
Will you please tell me what you do with all the vice presidents a bank has?  I guess that’s to get you discouraged before you can see the president.  Why, the United States is the biggest institution in the world and they have one vice president and nobody has ever found anything for him to do. –Will Rogers
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.  Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want, and their kids pay for it.  –Richard Lamm
Business & Competition
The secret in business is to know something that nobody else knows.  –Aristotle Onassis
Is baseball a business?  If it isn’t, General Motors is a sport.  –Jim Murray
You never really lose until you quit trying.  –Mike Ditka
The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week.  –Robert Frost
The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.  Try, if you can, to belong to the first class.  There’s less competition.  –Dwight Morrow
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. –Ann Landers
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark.  You know what you are doing, but nobody else does.   –Stuart Henderson Britt
People want economy, and they’ll pay any price to get it.  –Lee Iacocca
Ethics
If it ever came to a choice between compromising my moral principles and the performance of my duties, I know I’d go with my moral principles.  –Norman Schwarzkopf
I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn bridge than the man who sold it. –Will Rogers
I never give them hell.  I just tell the truth and they think it’s hell.  –Harry S. Truman
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.  –Will Rogers
A corporation cannot blush.  –Anonymous
Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.  –Mark Twain
Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.  –Mark Twain
Conscience is the little voice that tells you that you shouldn’t have done it after you did.   –Anonymous
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.  –Samuel Butler
Never raise your hands to your kids.  It leaves your groin unprotected – George Carlin
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals.  I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall. –George Carlin
Happiness
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.  –Johnny Carson
We make war that we may live in peace –Aristotle (384-322 BC)
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.  –George Burns
Human Nature
When a fellow ain’t got much mind, it don’t take him long to make it up.  –Will Rogers
We’re all just guinea pigs in the laboratory of God.  Humanity is just a work in progress.  –Tennessee Williams
You can turn painful situations around through laughter.  If you can find humor in anything –even poverty –you can survive it.  –Bill Cosby
You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.  She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.  –George Carlin
I have six locks on my door, all in a row.  When I go out, I lock every other one.  I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.  –George Carlin
Leadership
The best thing about a group of candidates is that only one of them can win.  –Will Rogers
Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don’t interfere.  –Ronald Reagan
There are times when even the best manager is like the little boy with the big dog waiting to see where the dog wants to go so he can take him there.  –Lee Iacocca
All mankind is divided into three classes:  those who are immovable;  those who are movable; and those who move.  –Benjamin Franklin
If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.  –Matthew 15:14
Motivation
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.  –Will Rogers
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.  –W. C. Fields
Every morning in Africa, a gazelle awakens.  It knows it must run faster than the lion or it will be killed.  Every morning in Africa, a lion awakens.  It knows it must run faster than the gazelle or it will starve.  It does not matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.  When the sun comes up, you’d better be running.  –Anonymous
On Life in General
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t go to yours.  –Yogi Berra
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.  –Johnny Carson
One day you are drinking the wine, and the next day you are picking grapes.  –Lou Holtz
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it.  –Irving Berlin
Wise men learn by other men’s mistakes, fools by their own.  –Anonymous
Before you criticize someone walk a mile in his shoes.  Then when you do criticize that person, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes!  –Anonymous
If I didn’t have spiritual faith, I would be a pessimist.  But I’m an optimist.  I’ve read the last page of the Bible.  It’s all going to turn out all right.  –Billy Graham
If we never had any storms, we couldn’t appreciate the sunshine.  –Dale Evans
Tomorrow comes to us at midnight very clean.  It’s perfect when it arrives, and it puts itself in our hands and hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.  –John Wayne
What we must decide is perhaps how we are valuable, rather than how valuable we are.  –F. Scott Fitzgerald
I always wanted to be somebody.  But I should have been more specific. –George Carlin
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.  Think of two of your best friends.  If they are OK, they it must be you.  –George Carlin
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains.  I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.  –George Carlin
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain
Success
I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everybody.   –Bill Cosby
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.  Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.  –W. C. Fields
If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y plus Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut.  –Albert Einstein
To be successful you have to be selfish, or else you never achieve.  And once you get to your highest level, then you have to be unselfish.  Stay reachable.  Stay in touch.  Don’t isolate.  –Michael Jordan
Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. –Winston Churchill
The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.  –Vidal Sassoon
Illegitimati non carborundum – Don’t let the bastards grind you down.  –Joseph W. Stilwell, General U.S. Army
Failure is never final and success is never-ending.  Success is a journey, not a destination.  –Dr. Robert Schuller
Technology and Progress
Computers are useless.  They can only give you answers.  –Pablo Picasso
To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.  –Paul Erlich
Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal. –Albert Einstein
A computer and a cat are somewhat alike –they both purr, and like to be stroked, and spend a lot of the day motionless.  They also have secrets they don’t necessarily share.  –John Updike
It was not so long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very, very small snack foods.  –Geraldine Ferraro
The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.  –Sydney J. Harris
Work
People who work sitting down make more money that people who work standing up.  –Ogden Nash
Luck is the residue of hard work and preparation.  -Anonymous
Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you’re a thousand miles from a cornfield.  –Dwight D. Eisenhower
Those who complain the most usually work the least.  –Anonymous
We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.   –Aristotle
A man is not finished when he is defeated.  He is finished when he quits.  –Richard M. Nixon
You have to perform at a consistently higher level than others.  That’s the mark of a true professional.  Professionalism has nothing to do with getting paid for your services.  –Joe Paterno
Results?  Why man, I have gotten a lot of results.  I know 50,000 things that won’t work.   –Thomas Edison